beginnings, endings and journeys - infinite possibilities :-)

It's interesting that when I set up this blog, I chose the title ‘yoga journey’ – not ‘Mysore blog’, ‘6 weeks in India’ or ‘yoga teacher training’. As such, ‘Yoga Journey’ implies that, while this period in India is coming to an end, the actual journey has just stared and can continue if I choose it to continue (which I have all intentions to!). Little did I know when I decided to do the TTC, how much these 6 weeks would open up channels and parts of my personality and views on my life, priorities, directions, that I didn’t know existed. For those of you who know me will remember that I had a bit of a traumatic bicycle accident earlier this year and was hauled up more or less in bed for 3 weeks (what a joy it was when I could walk steps up and down again – even if it was only with one foot at a time! And how nice it was when the cast on my arm came off, so I could floss my teeth again!). It was a challenging time for me (being thrown into more or less complete inactivity) as well as those around me and had to take care of me every day (Andrew) – and we are not only talking in terms of my physical ineptness but also all the mental ‘stuff’ that came along with it. But I’m digressing...

What happened towards the end of my recovery was the announcemt from my Shala that there would be an anatomy and kinesiology course held with specific focus on yoga asana (taught by Noah). Because I wasn’t able to practice yet, I thought ‘at least I can indulge in some theory and hopefully apply that to my practice when I get back on my two feet’.

Andrew knew how much I loved the scientific approach that Noah took and then pointed me to his website, where there was the announcement of a teacher training program: “Isn’t that something you were considering?” ahem, yes, no, I don't know – and I was more than once talking to my friend Karen about that I was ‘considering’ doing the training and she just smiled in that knowing way that only Karen can smile and said “You have already made up your mind – what are you hesitating about?”.

Isn’t it funny that we often know deep in our hearts (the ‘Self’) what we really should be doing or which path we should be taking, yet we hesitate in the so-called face of reality because of ... “things”: Opinions, expectations, long-engrained paradigms that go back to the way we were brought up, past hurts, disappointments – all these barriers that are just artificial constructs and which we tend to collect like stamps or coins (yes, I must admit, I once had a stamp collection!!!) and occlude more and more the truth that lies beyond that.

What I’m saying here is that the yoga journey that led to this TTC started before I even cared to admit it and I really hope that this month where I could indulge in the profound effects of meditation and asana will allow me to be more open and receptive for the real future journeys – and not to go back and replay past karmas and appreciate the importance of capturing what is in any particular moment.

And although it may be scary (because it may mean breaking down long-held beliefs about oneself), sometimes you know it’s only scary because you haven’t openend to that part of your heart yet – and to quote Steve Jobs again: ”You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

Maybe this is where climbing and yoga have distinct commonalities: rock-climbing can be such an amazing experience because when you are particularly doing a new lead climb, you are naturally scared (because you are probably climbing close to your limit or the climbing book is particularly vague about the crux or where the hell the climb goes after the third pitch) – so you are incredibly aware of the moment and nothing else exists except this moment and you are hoping that the ‘dots will connect for you’ (including hoping that your belayer is paying attention in case you pump out and take a nice whipper). And while yoga asana doesn’t give you the adrenalin rush (but plenty of other endorphins), it is similar in that you are there on your mat, and hopefully your mind is not drifting to what smoothie you are going to have for breakfast (yes, that sometimes occurred to me more than once this month) but then you hold the pose for just this tiny bit longer and your muscles will soon bring your wandering mind to where you should be – in the pose and how it feels.....

So, I have come to trust these strange dots that bring wonderful people and experiences into my life and am sure that they will all line up in a way that will make sense at some point :-).

All those friends back in Adelaide: see you soon! All my Mysore friends: I hope our paths will cross again!

Namaste!

Crystals and Gems

It's week 3 of the Yoga Teacher Training and there is so much happening, inside and outside - not on a gross or extreme level (although I would never reject flashes of enlightenment :-)) but on a more subtle, intuitive level. So, I thought about what kind of theme to use to tell a story about these various thoughts, feelings and developments - and that's how I came up with the title 'Crystals and Gems': Crystals as the manifestation of something crystallising (i.e. becoming clear and solid and developing into something that reveals itself as a form or concept - something that the mind can comprehend); and Gems as a symbol for all these little wisdoms that I have received from my friends or people I met or things that I read over the last years and especially last weeks.
In that respect, it is probably the concept of mindfulness, understanding that the present moment is the only thing that is 'real' and realising what is important and where need to put our energies towards, that comes out as an overriding theme.
I think my homework assignments on the Patanjali's Yoga Sutras helped to bring home the destructive effects of 'attachment' and 'aversion' as they either replay your past dramas or hold on to previous pleasures, or future (unfulfilled) dreams or hold you back because of fear or worries. In essence, they keep you in the past or focus on something unrealised in the future and like a broken record they keep replaying your karmas and prevent you from looking at what is right there now and in front of you. And more importantly, even if you recognise this present moment, your mind will have the tendency to colour and judge it - and either it will hang on to it or will try ways how to get out of it. What we think is a virtue - our constant obsession with thinking and putting 'intelligence' on such a high pedestal - is actually more a curse than a blessing! The mind is pretty smart and conditioned to keep you occupied, so that the consciousness escapes you (or more symbolically speaking: the soft tones of consciousness are drowned out by loud music or overpowering colours of the overactive mind). This also leads to the tendency to think in terms of 'what do we have to do to get to a certain point, become a certain person, reach a certain status' (Jon Kabat-Zin) - the concept of 'getting there' is the mind keeping us away from the present, instead of realising that we are already there! “If we are not present in the moment, the only reference points we have is our conditioned response in the past or our unfulfilled hopes and dreams or worries and fears for the future (and our imagined responses to those).” Thus, the mind goes into auto-pilot and relies on ‘learned’ responses rather than forming new linkages and blocking the formation of new connections. He further says that if those blockages or learned responses accumulate over time, they build up to the point that our bodies are blocked, our thinking is blocked and our minds are blocked and we feel stuck with whatever condition or conditions we acquired.
All these concepts were further powerfully illustrated by the Sutra class from Alex Medin who spoke about the difficulty for a teacher of conveying what ‘yoga is’ (and in his case, to prisoners in a high security prison!), and the fact that most yoga teachers fail in this regard (and he included himself in it) – as it is not about the learned things about yoga that we ‘think’ are correct but is a lot more subtle. Specifically, his answer to the question of how to ‘be’ a good yoga teacher and how to go about teaching yoga in the ‘real’ world, was quite enlightening as he stressed that it was not about obtaining a particular certification or doing so and so many hours of workshops or practicing asana to a certain level. Instead, he said not to even think of becoming a yoga teacher and teaching, but living it first (quote “Get your life in order first!”). He went on further to say that if you just memorise theories and asana, it won’t help you at all but in the end will destroy you as it is just an empty construct. The important aspect is to discover the innermost essence (the ‘divine’ or consciousness) in us and connect with it and then your words and action will come from the depth of your heart and will have weight and impact and things will happen to you and your path as you will live with integrity: “If you open up to the divine, how can you ever fall short of anything as you are living and acting in accordance with your inner self”. And the interesting aspect is also that you cannot gain this ‘luminous inner experience’ while trying with all your might – in fact, as many of us do in asana, he stressed that we have to let go of the need to improve and putting great effort into things - in order to be able to open up and receive whatever we are supposed to experience, we need to open up and let go first. Thus, asana (but also many other aspects of our lives!) should not be ruled by our ambitions but it should remove the patterns of ambitions and we then can learn to be within yourself and attain stability. And you cannot find this stability through outside actions or achievements (let it be asana, careers, etc) and certainly not by trying really hard – it is all about letting go, inviting in and accepting what is.
So, what I took away from Alex’s lesson was that yoga (in an encompassing sense) achieves greater understanding of how the mind works and we are better able to sift through these past and future projections and see through the veil that the thinking mind is creating. But Alex also stressed that we can’t practice yoga ‘a little bit’: the development of practice needs to happen consistently and over long periods of time and as such it will become part of your life: “Embody yoga, find your place in the world first, live according to the yamas and niyamas! Dont try to be a yoga teacher, let it happen, bring it to live with yourself, and then it will come! Far and foremost, Yoga should be a selfless service and it will grow your own yoga, which is more important than running a lucrative yoga business.”
So, Alex’s class (and Noah’s teachings) really summed up how my thoughts have shifted over the last weeks about what yoga is, what is important in yoga and what it means to be a teacher. It also brought home the importance of meditation and letting go of my habit to ‘achieve, improve and work really hard to be good at whatever it is that I’m doing’ and instead accepting where I’m at, who I am and trust that I will know where I’m going.

And maybe here I want to close with one particular ‘gem’ that I am so grateful to have received earlier this year and I want to quote it symbolically for all these other great wisdoms that I have received from all my friends:

 “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In those choices lie our growth and our happiness.”

Love you all.

On being a student again

In Steve Jobs's 2005 Stanford commencement address, he said that (in his response to being fired by Apple) “The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.”


Reading and hearing this quote for the first time it felt incredibly liberating and encouraging to not feel trapped by any of my present circumstances and in particular not be attached to a particular career path, academic degree or career level that I had attained. And it also felt reassuring to enter the path of being a student again and studying yoga (as part of the teacher training course). Initially, I did not even dare to think that I would become or were even evolved enough in my yoga practice to consider the teaching path. I simply wanted to immerse myself in the study and practice of yoga - including all of its limbs (for those non-yogis who are reading this: yoga is by far more than just the practice (asana) - in fact it is only a minor part of what is considered yoga in a philosophical and spiritual context).

In any case, here I am, being a student again and it does feel amazing to be like a sponge and soak in the different teachings. However, with it come expectations: Not only to be a great student but also be a great teacher and the more I am learning, the more my heart feels that teaching is an aspiring art and devotion that I would truly like to strive for. So, here I am, having felt that I had pretty good foundations to easily step into the role of a yoga teacher (like frequently speaking in front of large audiences without a script and being confident about it), only to be shown by a smiling universe that if I want to be a student, there are no shortcuts! I am not sure if there is anything that would allow you to magically find the right words to guide a class of yoga students through a sequence of poses without loosing their attention or getting inquiring stares as to what the hell I am talking about! In essence, teaching is a lot more challenging than I thought and it is definitely not something that is coming easily to me!

So, I am reading Steve Jobs quote again and this time, I notice that I had not really comprehended the part 'less sure about everything' - we cannot absorb colours and truly learn how to mix them and create a beautiful piece of art by starting off with a piece of paper that is already coloured! In the same sense, I cannot be a true student and at the same time believing that true absorption of knowledge is possible by having a mind that has preconceived notions. Notions that either relate to past experiences and knowledge or notions that relate to my own expectations with regard to performance or outcomes.

In that sense, I am quite thankful to be taught a bit of humbleness early on in this course. I need to view this month's teachings more as a path than a means to an end. As Confucius said "Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance" :-)

And I'm sure it won't be the last lesson :-)

past, present and future

I haven't even been here for a week and there is already a strange familiarity to this place and the people. But as Noah said in his introduction during the teacher training course (TTC), Mysore is "India-lite" in the sense that it is very middle-class (Indian) and very much infused by westerners (at least Gokulam). As such you have the best of both worlds and don't have to struggle very much with language difficulties or finding things because there is always some westerner yogi at the coconut stand who you can ask.
So, the TTC has started which is for me now the "NOW" (and according to the book that my friend Becc lend me from Eckhard Tolle - living in the NOW is one of the most fundamental ways of freeing ourselves from the mind that is locking us into the past or the future - either being confronted by the ghosts of past experiences and reliving them like ground-hog day or worrying about the future or thinking "I'll be happy when I am like this or have that or,....").
But in essence the 'past' days prior to the TTC were very much a lead up to the present and a way to take advantage of having time, no commitments, no schedules and no deadlines (yes, I could have study the Coulter book of the Anatomy of Hatha Yoga, but for some reason my brain refused to engage in anything more basic than how do I get from A to B, where can I buy this or that and when it is time for another chai or coconut again). So, instead I explored Singing Bowl Therapy (quite intense and unfortunately the unblocking of chakras and nadis didn't go well with my dinner - so something had to give, and in this case, it was my dinner a few hours later), Shiatsu massage (total bliss! Kerstin saw me immediately afterwards and essentially said "I want to have what she's having!" She even said that my voice sounded different and relaxed) and treatment with Noah (mainly to see if and how my asymmetries have changed since I last had an assessment when he was in Adelaide in May and also to get some insights into how to modify or accentuate asanas.
And then there it was : day 1 of TTC (and my birthday - again, thanks Becc and Kerstin for the wonderful surprises and gifts - you are great!!!).
Each day for the next 7 days (first day off is next Sunday) will start at 6am with hatha yoga (practicing the sukashanti method that Noah developed - more on that later), followed by pranayam and meditation, then breakfast break for 1,5 hours. From 10:30 to 12:30 theory (philosophy, anatomy, ethics, etc.) and then lunch, study, nap or whatever-you-want-to-do break til 3pm. Then the most interesting part of the course starts: teaching asanas to my fellow course members: for a start, we are broken up into groups of 3 or 4 and each of us has to teach the others a sequence of poses - this is challenging in itself but given that only very few in the course are familiar with Noah's sequence, you not only have to remember a completely new sequence but intelligently (and without loosing your breadth) communicating that to the other people - and not forgetting anything. It is really fun though because everybody is so supportive and Noah is a great teacher.
His Sukashanti method that we are starting with is (supposedly) very basic and will get more challenging as we go along. However, I find lots of challenges (in a good sense) in it and find that my body responds very well to it in the sense that I feel less twinges and more openings without feeling I'm straining every muscle in my body to get there.
5pm is the official end of the day and so far, I've been hitting the wall at around 8:30pm because there is so much information to take in and also being around people for most of the time, I feel a bit exhausted and its nice to just be able to have a quiet night at home (and having Kerstin as a flat-mate is great as we seem to have similar body-clocks and mind-sets).
I don't think I have lived in the NOW as much as I am doing at the moment - because you are surrounded by new people, there is no (or very little) past baggage and because I am removed from my routine and work environment, there are very few thoughts about the future. The NOW is very much restricted to living and breathing where I am and what I'm doing and not only DOING but also LIVING and understanding at a deeper level the essence of Yoga - this may sound very dramatic and I'm not saying I've come even close to mastering this, but this is what consumes most of my mind and energy at the moment. Will see how it all develops :-) Namaste, my friends!

first impressions

What is it like being in Mysore, regarded probably as THE heart of yoga (at least in the Ashtanga community)?
To be honest, I find it difficult to describe as so many imperssions are constantly entering my senses and you are trying to take it all in without judgement or attachments. Yesterday, we (Kerstin and I) were walking around like a bit in a daze and glad that we could follow Becc around for breakfast and organising sim cards, money, scooters, internet access etc.and of course having fresh coconut water at the infamous coconut stand (this is where many yogis hang out after practice) and its nothing like getting a fresh coconut being skillfully sliced open in front of your eyes and then handed to you with a straw to suck the beautiful juice - and once you are done with the water, the coconut is sliced in half and part of the shell is used like a spoon to scoop out the flesh. Up unitl now, my impression of coconuts was these hard, brown hairy things - these coconuts are different and big, smooth and green - I love them :-)

Walking down one of the main streets in Gokulam is probably much like any other Asian country (Vietnam, Thailand) with lots of little, chaotic stores where you can find things by seemingly random access and usually only with the help of the owner. Venture into the side streets and you have to keep your eyes peeled for little, inconspicuous signs that point you to a place that may do breakfast, lunch or dinner. I say 'inconspicuous' because it is often in private houses, so you actually may walk into a place for breakfast or a rug shop that borders onto the living room of the family that lives there.

And now on to the community here: It is a bit of a strange feeling and I am still gettng settled and getting used to the eclectic mix of westerners amongst the Indian community (which is completely normal, as Kerstin reassures me, that you feel a bit lost and confused at first and trying to find your place). You will probably be hardpressed to find another place in the world with so many healthy- and fit-looking westerners (yogis) and with so many different idiosyncracies, tatoos, accents, outfits and attitudes concentrated in one place. And some cafes are probably solely frequented by yogis (or so it seems) after practice - or really anytime during the day. That is the one thing that I am learning here: you have so much time for hanging out and eating and chatting and just being. There is no rush, no to-do list (apart from the first day, but even that was casual), no real plan of how your day will unfold as it will unfold somehow. Maybe it is this seemingly 'directionless drifting' that plays with my western mind and throws me off centre a bit and also the high concentration of Ashtangi yogis here and me not really being here for Ashtanga practice. I think it is easy to get tempted by one's own insecurities and become judgmental of oneself and others - but it is really again, one's own mind creating a mirage or mirror image of something that is only there in one's mind and not reality and probably being guided by the western mind of putting things into categories, evaluating, sorting and judging. What a great way of trying to let go of this while here! Because it is so easy to connect with people, talk, exchange stories or just listen - again, something that I have to get used to and challenge my somewhat hermetic lifestyle in a highly predictable environment to something, dynamic, open, unpredictable, friendly and surprising.

The teacher training will start on the 19th but Noah is teaching classes every morning from 6 to 7:30am at the Mystic School (a very nice, friendly place and Shashi, the owner, is a jewel!) and I went today for the first time and just enjoyed his style of practice which is completely different to the Ashtanga Mysore practice that I have been doing over the last month. It was a lot more subtle and focusing on alignment and little muscle contractions and how they feel and what they do to your body and posture. It will be really great to gain a new experience in this kind of more introspective yoga and I really look forward to learning more about different approaches to asanas and of course all the other remaining 7 limbs of yoga. And also training my mind to be open and receptive - like this evening, I will be doing a 'singing bowl' treatment which is a therapeutic approach to all sorts of ailments, where singing bowls are placed all over your body.
Will write more about this after I experienced it.
For now, it is just relaxing into the slower pace of life and letting impressions come and go like waves :-)